Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you inspire me to be a worse person
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
