No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
