I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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