my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
