You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
