My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
