hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
