Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
