Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
