I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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