Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize