jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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