is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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