the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
