he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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