I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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