How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
