The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Mom said you looked used
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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