I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
