I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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