sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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