My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
