Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
