I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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