She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize