Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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