the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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