Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
