the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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