Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
