I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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