I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize