never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
