I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
