it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize