You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
