ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
