how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
