She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
