I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am one with the molecules
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
