i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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