party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Who wears a wallet chain?!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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