I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
