i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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