wakey wakey hands off snakey
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
