I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
