Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
