if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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