A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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