Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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