She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize