Plan B is the new Plan A
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
