I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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