I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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