considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
