My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
