my room smells like sperm. sweet.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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