What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
