the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize