Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
