He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
