DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
