how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
