I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize