Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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